My practical list for newly married Muslim menš§µ
3 min readNov 3, 2023
- Provide assurance in the form of being consistent, reliable and communicative. Also take reasonable steps to ensure that matters such as dowry are settled as quickly as possible.
- Registering for a civil partnership is a good way of granting assurance in a country which does not recognise the nikah and talaq system.
- Be consistent in giving affection as well. This will assure her that you are available emotionally.
- Adjusting into a new family can be extremely overwhelming. Remember to tell your family members to take it easy with her. She might want to go back to her family for a few days in the beginning, be open to it and you shouldnāt take it personally.
- Youāre not as busy as you think you are. Prioritise each other over everything else; friends, work, classes etc. Make time for each other like date nights, valentines etc. Not spending time together consistently puts stress on a marriage.
- Create a family calendar so both of you are aware of each otherās schedule. Book some of your annual leave at the same time. Things like this really help a marriage last.
- For Muslim women, daily worship at home on their own can become a bit stale as crude as it may sound. Muslim women can struggle to access the same external resources and circles as Muslim men do. Spend time at home with your wife. Plan time together to do things such as: praying salah together. reading Quran, fasting.
- A side effect of being single is that thereās not many people to tell you your hidden faults. And believe me, you are wrong more often than you think.
- Find ways to tolerate each other and be open to suggestions for improvement. Arguments will happen and they will happen sooner than you think. Always find ways to encourage apologies. Learn each otherās language as everyone is different.
- Women do calculate and assess things differently so do not expect her to simply āget youā or āunderstand where you are coming fromā.
- Birth control and abortion for Muslims. This issue rarely gets taught or discussed in a fair setting. And I am not qualified to provide advice on it. However, I recommend Muhammad Ibn Adam al Kawthariās book āBirth Control & Abortion in Islamā which is peer reviewed by reputable scholars and provides a substantial lists of opinions from all four schools.
- Be open to that fact that your wife might be better at financing and saving. If you develop trust in her and know she is capable and willing to help with budgeting and financing, be open to it. Consider it a blessing to earn sufficient money and also have your budgeting and financing taken care of for you.
- Also, encourage any entrepreneurial spirit in your wife as that is a blessing and a sign from Allah.
- It is recommended that you be completely open about finances with each other as this lessens unwanted burdens. Women do worry about money and future more than men. A policy of transparency should be employed.
- A way to ensure that issues of unnecessary financial uncertainty do not occur is to open a joint savings account. It shows you care about the future together.
- Sectarianism is not as important as people make it out to be. Do not base your marriage on aqeedah and creed. By all means learn and study such matters. But prioritise each otherās Iman (quality of faith) over philosophy and aqeedah.
